I’m a pretty funny guy but I’m not hilarious
I dont make a lot of sense but Im not mystarious and somtimes I just stare… I just stare at the wall

And I can get real sad you know but not depressed
And they get me down but Im not oppressed
And sometimes I just press… I just press my head against the wall.. Same one that I stare at actually

But Im a real nice guy I mean I treat people right I brush my teeth I say my prayers at night I’d say nobody really hates me… All that much… Or like me either

But you know I got some buddies, I got some friends, I got the poker night thing but, well there’s no one I’d take to the end, no one like you Francine

Every time that you’re near me, every time that you’re near me, every time that you’re near me
I’m someone else… It’s fun

You make a better door then a window
Thats what my granmda said, so simple
and you know ever since that day I feel guilty for standing up
I mean, even a couch has got a function
you know sometimes I wish I was a couch or something with a function you know something to get some use… well I mean so people could sit down

Every time that you’re near me, every time that you’re near me, every time that you’re near me
I’m someone else… It’s fun

I would cry, I would cry, if I could… if I could…

Every time that you’re near me, every time that you’re near me, every time that you’re near me
I’m someone else… It’s fun

I’m eating $5 titty bar chicken
Choking down my own condition
Of cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, heartbreak, chocolate cake, and pain

I got this ringin in my brain lord
its drivin me insane
yeah this ringin in my brain
is drivin me insane

During the 10 minute tease and please at the end of each hour candy she dance for me as i drank whiskey sours and afterwords I asked her to a movie she said she’d already seen

yeach this ringin in my brain lord its driving me insane yeah this ringin in my brain lord its driving me insane

so I said my goodbyes and I was on my way $100 lighter and towards a darker place and I went home thought about candy ate some candy and fell asleep
ya this ringin in my brain lord its driving me insane yeah this ringing in my brain lord its driving me insane

The tooth brush holder’s only got one brush
and the tattoo I got I had to get retouched
and I even cleaned the bathroom… Which is so rare
I tried to erase you, throw away every hair

I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it
I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it
I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it…
It’d be a happier thing to do

Now all your things are piled up in my room
my room feels so bare I can’t help but think of you
I can smell you on my bed… Your hint of perfume
My roommate flushed the toilet last night I thought it was you I SWEAR IT WAS YOU!… (but you never did come back to bed)

I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it
I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it
I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it…
It’d be a happier thing to do

And the happiest memories are the saddest now,
the happiest memories are the saddest now,
the happiest memories are the saddest…
What on earth am I gonna do? (X2)

I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it
I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it
I wish we were beginning it,
not ending it, but beginning it…
It’d be a happier thing to do
It’d be a happier thing to do
It’d be a happier thing to do!

Hay is for the horses/ And Mr Ed when he says hi
The fever and the cattle/ And haunted wagon rides
Fun is for Chucky Cheese/ Cindy Lauper and freaks
Winning the lottery/ Unlimited cookies

But we all know that the sunshine shines for flowers
And the haters say that the flowers are for cowards
but life is for you and me darlin’
Yeah life is for you and me darlin’

Cool is for James Dean/ Rock and roll and the north pole
Smokin’ cigarettes and wearin’ jeans with holes
Dreams are for little league/ Bed time and getting high
Martin Luther King/ The apple of my eye

But we all know that the sunshine shines for flowers
And the haters say that the flowers are for cowards
but life is for you and me darlin’
Yeah life is for you and me darlin’

Space is for spacing out/ Feng Shui and Chi
Aliens and Einsten/ And romantic philosophies
Stars are for the big screen/ Shining up above the sea
Stars are what I see/ When you’re gazing back at me

But we all know that the sunshine shines for flowers
And the haters say that the flowers are for cowards
but life is for you and me darlin’
Yeah life is for you and me darlin’

So if hay is for the horses/ Mr Ed when he says hi
The fever the cattle/ Haunted wagon rides
And if all that stuff is for all that stuff/ What’s there left for us?
All we get is life/ So choose your life and you’ll be alright!

You work for the high society scene/ On Facebook you post pictures with celebrities
And they say its not good measure/ of mental health to see
How well one adjusts to a sick society

You work for he high society scene/ I saw you in Playboy magazine’s college girls edition
And they say its no good measure/ of mental health to see
How well one adjusts to a sick society

And tho your hair is jet black your eyes are still green
And frankly I’d guess you probably still… Frankly I’d say you probably still…
Frankly I’d guess you probably still smell like sunscreen… Coppertone!

You work for the high society scene/ Your boyfriend’s 55 and you’re 23
And they say its not good measure/ of mental health to see
How well one adjusts to a sick society

And they say its not good measure/ of mental health to see
How well one adjusts to a sick society

My dad’s been smoking crack since my mom passed away/ I listened to my headphones the entire funeral wake/ I still call my grand mother on every holiday/ But I never made it home since graduation day

But I’ll be home for Christmas/ To get drunk with you
And laugh about all the stupid things/ We got ourselves into
But it won’t feel like it used to

I haven’t cried since we put the dog to sleep/ And I had to say goodbye to a small part of me
It all feels so different on the same suburban street/ With an empty bottle of whiskey underneath the Christmas tree

But I’ll be home for Christmas/ To get drunk with you
And laugh about all the stupid things/ We got ourselves into
But it won’t feel like it used to

So here’s a toast, to the holidays/ It’s the happiest time of year
A cigarette by the old swing set proves the times have changed it clear
So marry Christmas and happy new year

My dad’s been smoking crack since my mom passed away/ I listened to my headphones the entire funeral wake/ I still call my grand mother on every holiday/ But I never made it home since graduation day

So here’s a toast, to the holidays/ It’s the happiest time of year
A cigarette by the old swing set proves the times have changed it clear
So marry Christmas and happy new year (X3)

I guess we were all like whatever/ Our freshman year at Western our first semester
That’s when we were all like whatever/ That’s when we were all like whatever

When Johnny got busted by the real cops/ For sneakin’ dime bags in his gym socks
Even Johnny didn’t cry/ And no one mentioned him that night
No one mentioned him that night/ No one mentioned him that night

I guess we were all like whatever/ Our freshman year at Western our first semester
That’s when we were all like whatever/ That’s when we were all like whatever

Feelin’ like a runaway steak knife/ As you cut across the line
Pass that girl and she’s all like whatever/ I see her all the time
I see her all the time/ I see her all the time

But I guess we were all like whatever/ Our freshman year at Western our first semester
That’s when we were all like whatever/ That’s when we were all like whatever

Practicing your hello’s and goodbye’s/ But in a dorm it’s hard to hide
I’d admit it would be hard to look you in the eye
I used to all the time/ I used to all the time/ I used to all the time

I guess we were all like whatever/ Our freshman year at Western our first semester
That’s when we were all like whatever/ That’s when we were all like whatever

(repeat)

Well there’s a bunch of clothes walking around here today/
Just a bunch of clothes with nothing to say
I took a mini skirt out on a date/
But we didnt relate/ I guess there wasn’t much to say

And I can see pants and shirts and hats and shoes/
And I even snuck me a peek at those high heeled boots/
And I’ve counted countless empty suits/
Well how bout you? Are you an empty suit too?

You have a different face/ But you wear the same clothing
You have a different name/ But you wear the same shoes
So keep me away from that fancy clothing/ Cause I cant afford to be an empty suit

If you could step into my shoes friend surely you’d understand/
It takes a lot more then clothes to make a good man
Yet you can’t be going around not wearing pants/
I mean whats up with that? Who said we all gotta wear pants man?

You have a different face/ But you wear the same clothing
You have a different name/ But you wear the same shoes
So keep me away from that fancy clothing/ Cause I cant afford to be an empty suit

Well the moral of the story the lesson here my friends/
Is we live in a primarily visual world that don’t make a lot of sense
So don’t be deceived by all the things you see
Remember its just a bunch of clothes walking down the street

If my life never changed/ And I spent all of the rest of my days
With no one, or nothing to count on
I would say I’d be afraid/ But I know I’d be ok
For if nothing, I’d find something to believe in

Time conquers all/ Be it big or small
And life don’t offer much to keep

If the ship sailed away
And I spent all of the rest of my days/ Alone, on an island eating coconuts
I would say I’d be afraid/ But I know I’d be ok
For if nothing, I’d at least find a reason

Time conquers all/ Be it big or small
And life don’t offer much to keep

If today was like yesterday/ And tomorrow was still more of the same
I would say I’d be afraid/ But I know I’d be ok
To live is really all that matters

Time conquers all/ Be it big or small
And life don’t offer much to keep (X3)

Chords: G Em C D

And then would she love me
from a picture in a magazine
If I was good enough
Would I be good enough

For my baby bumblebee
Would she fly back home to me
and make promises she’d keep
All those promises she’d mean

And won’t my momma be
Just oh so proud of me
If I could catch that bumblebee
I’d make sure all my friends could see

Me and my baby bumblebee
Don’t you ever, ever leave
You make me believe
in everything I can’t see

SOLO

Cause I don’t wanna be happy!
I want my baby bumblebee
OUCH! She stung me…
My baby bumblebee.

Chords: VERSE: A E D A
CHORUS: E A E A D A E A
BRIDGE: D A E A x 2 (
E A E A

Like Santa Claus on New Year’s eve
I was looking at you like you were looking at me
lke Adam looked at Eve after the apple

Well Swans swim with swans and ducks swim with ducks

and the ugly duckling is shit out of luck

like Cinderella the morning after

And I’ll be Beholding Cleopatra
Like some old blue eyes lost in the sea
throwing flowers in the ocean
With all the bad guys dead I still can’t sleep

And Jesus’s mom never had sex
and I heard Alexander wept
when he had nothing left to conquer

And I believe in clichés and myths
I believe that Helen’s face launched 1000 ships
And that Cleopatra’s heart could not be conquered

Like Einstein reading tarot
Stuck in one of Freud’s dreams
And it’s raining on the ocean
with all the bad guys that I still can’t sleep

And where oh where does the cowboy go
after he rides into the sunset
what’s there left for him in life? I wonder…

and why do all the fairytales end
So happily ever after
I mean, how are all those marriages I wonder…

and maybe Bobby’s still looking for Sweet Marie
with all the bad guys that I still can’t sleep…
SOLO

Signs and sirens and mermaid songs
a princess would never kiss a frog
I know it’s not easy being green

And the gods were bored so they made earth
and I heard Hitler wanted to be a painter first
and Joan of arc was only 19 years old

I’ll be Beholding Cleopatra
like blue eyes lost in the sea
throwing flowers in the ocean
with all the bad guys dead I still can’t sleep x2

Chords: Verse – C G Am C | C G Am C Am G
Chorus- F G C F C F C F G C (turn around: F C G C)
Bridge- Am G C | Am G C | Am G C | F G C

I thought I’d be rich or dead by now
Instead I’m ugly and broke
I thought that I’d be married
But dating is a joke
Plus I’m ugly and broke…

So I cut my hair and moved back home
Said goodbye to all I know
Washed her down with a cigarette
Said goodbye to all my friends to begin again
Back home

And the world has made me weary
Of setting too many goals
I write them down then nothing happens
Then I wake up another day old…
And further from my goals

So I cut my hair and moved back home
Said goodbye to all I know
Washed her down with a cigarette
Said goodbye to all my friends
To begin again back home

Bridge:
What are you thinking when you look at me like that?
Please don’t tell me even though I know I asked
What are we doing girl we’re never gonna last
Take me back to that dreamcatcher on your dash

When the good hand that feeds me
Cuts me down to size
Dress me in a bowtie
Lay me down dissatisfied
Cause I’m in a bowtie…

So I cut my hair and moved back home
Said goodbye to all I know
Washed her down with a cigarette
Said goodbye to all my friends
To begin again back home

With my heart all tucked up in my suit
You told me it clashed with the color of my shoes
But babe I wore it special just for you
I bought it at the gap

I said that I missed you and you said “uh.. ok”
I repeated myself you said “its only been a day just one day”
and I heard you the first time…

I made you a duct tape wallet you said “uh.. thanks”

I called to see how you liked it the very next day you said it was ok… Just ok?

What the fuck!

I picked out the colors I thought you might like

I even took the time to set the trifold right… That thing was a masterpiece

chorus:
And when I turned beat red
I put a red shirt on instead
I figured now at least my shirt will match my face

You said you weren’t hungry but you’d eat anyway
And maybe some wine just for the sake of romance
When the food came I asked you how it was you said it sucks
When the wine came I asked you how it was you said it works good enough

chorus:
And when you slammed my car door
I threw that stupid suit coat on the floor
and I said “your stupid, Im stupid, and I clash :(“

 

chorus:
And when I found it in the trash
yeah…. I took it back
I said what’s the difference your not gonna miss it I think its cool
What’s the difference your not gonna miss it I think its cool
What’s the difference your not gonna miss it and frankly I think that thing is pretty freaking cool.

CHORDS: D A G
BRIDGE: D G A D

Wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall,
Growlin’ at the wall theres on one there at all
Wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall
Nobody there but me

All my friends wouldn’t seem so bad if I could only count all the friends I had
Maybe then I wouldn’t be so free
My guardian angel listens to punk he told me once he thinks life sucks
Now I dont know how to be

When I wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall,
Growlin’ at the wall theres on one there at all
Wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall
Nobody there but me

My masterpiece is trapped beneath sleeping beauty’s deepest dreams
and my true love is asleep in that dream
So now I’m dreaming of another love
Far away from you my love
But I am like the apple fallen from the tree

When I wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall,
Growlin’ at the wall theres on one there at all
Wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall
Nobody there but me

BRIDGE:
I’m brushing my teeth growling at the wall
Watching tv growling at the wall
Doing my hair growling at the wall
Saying my paryers growling at the wall
Washing my hands growling at the wall
Singing in the band growling at the wall
Taking my pill growling at the wall
Trying to chill growling at the wall
Fuck it all… Fuck it all… Fuck it all…

SOLO

Ahhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhhh
ahhhhhh aahhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh

When I wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall,
Growlin’ at the wall theres on one there at all
Wake up in the mornin’ and Im growlin’ at the wall
Nobody there but me

CHORDS: G C G Em G C G

When you’re sitting around
And no one’s around
and you’re just sitting down

Or when you’re driving to work
And you wish that you weren’t
And your wife’s a flirt and your a jerk

Or when you walk down the street
and they bless you when you sneeze
and you get all jittery

Or when you’re sitting in church
and your butt starts to hurt
and you’re praying for her:

Ya wanna! kick your legs out kick your legs out kick your legs out kick em kick em out!
Kick your legs out kick your legs out kick your legs out kick em kick em out!
Kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em out!

When you’re so freaked out
That your thinking out loud
Cause you’re so freaked out

Or when your drinking on the plane
Just trying to explain
Why your drinking on an airplane…

It’s a 40 hour flight
you got the middle seat at night
and your eyes are open wide

And we could all die man
we could crash anytime
I mean we could all DIEEEE!!!!

So kick your legs out kick your legs out kick your legs out kick em kick em out!
Kick your legs out kick your legs out kick your legs out kick em kick em out!
Kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em out!

SOLO

When you’re sitting at the bar
but you feel like you’re on mars
you’re just sitting at the bar

Or when your standing in the crowd
and you feel so left out
you’re just standing in the crowd

Or when you’re sitting around
And no one’s around
and you’re just sitting down

When you’re sitting around
And no one’s around
and you’re just sitting down

You wanna kick your legs out kick your legs out kick your legs out kick em kick em out!
Kick your legs out kick your legs out kick your legs out kick em kick em out!
Kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em kick em out!

Maybe I do and maybe I don’t
and maybe I will but probably I won’t
Because I hate myself I love myself
It’s like one minute I’m in heaven then I’m in hell
one minute I’m in heaven than I’m in hell

So walk with me for a few good miles
You could break my heart 500 times
And I am fire and you are ice
In the setting sun with your ice blue eyes
You are the morning and I am the night
You are the sunshine and I’m the moon light

(Insturmental)

Look for me in NYC
Ill be another stranger on a busy street
And will you think of me when you 80
Did you ever get my note in the bottle in the sea
And I never said I loved her but she knew the whole time
I never said I loved her but she knew the whole time

Verse- C G F C
Chorus – F G C F C F G ( G7 )

Im checking my Facebook
Like its my fucking job man
and nobody cares but me

Im watching this drama
I call my fucking life
Like its a fucking show on tv

And I want to reach out
But not right now
You might get the upper hand on me

So here’s my name and number
but don’t call me lover
Cause you can’t count on me

Its no romance just take off your pants and when you need me Ill be gone
Its no romance just take off your pants and come tomorrow I’ll be gone

I’d like to be just like you
Just to try and spite you
That’d be the right thing I’m pretty sure you’d agree

Now I’m hiding in the bathroom
Smoking in the backroom
Hoping you’ll be gone before you see me

Its no romance just take off your pants and when you need me Ill be gone
Its no romance just take off your pants and when you need me I will walk

SOLO

And I want to be social
But I hate people…
Just they just do it for me.

And I hate to be a hater
But I could never date her
Cause she reads people magazine

Its no romance just take off your pants and when you need me Ill be gone
Its no romance just take off your pants and when you need me I will walk

Chords: Intro/ Tag:  D G D G D G D
Verse: Bm G D
Chorus: G D G D D G D (TAG)
Bridge: G D G D Bm G A D (TAG)
Side note: I usually capo 2 and play the “G” “ C” “F” and “Am” chord shapes

I’m mixing the road and the rain
With the headlights of death in my face
And the camouflage woman is fake
I guess nobody really knows me these days

Chorus:
Nobody really knows me
Nobody sees me clear
and Im not sure about anyone else

I’m trying to focus on the work
But that just makes it so much worse
Yesterday I said tomorrow
Today I don’t even bother

Nobody really knows me
Nobody sees me clear
and Im not sure about anyone else

Bridge:
I was headed towards the lights
Down South Avenue
When I saw a girl who reminded me of you
I said “excuse me! “Do I know you?” she said “I don’t know, do you?”

SOLO over verse and chorus

I’m headed towards the unknown
Wishing I would have brought a coat
We come into this world alone
Maybe there’s only one way to get back home

Nobody really knows me
Nobody sees me clear
and Im not sure about anyone else

Chords: (capo 4 or regular)
VERSE: C G F C G | C G F C G
CHORUS: C G Am F| (turnaround) C G F C G

I’ve seen a lot of sunsets momma i’d like to see it rise
Safe in the arms of my angel, or my devil in disguise
And I’m pledging my allegiance to that woman in the sky
I don’t even know her name but she can make me cry

She’s the outlaws last draw
she’s the cowboys sad song
shes the story of how a sensitive boy became a runaway freight train

And I’ve tried a lot of drugs momma but there are none like you
No high that can steal me from reaching to the moon
You’re the painting I never finished the book I never read
Your all the words that I wrote down to you that I never said

You’re the outlaws last draw
you’re the cowboys sad song
you’re the story of how a sensitive boy became a runaway freight train

And I want to hang out with someone maybe it could be you
Maybe we could figure out something more than nothing else to do
Like sit and watch the sunset while we wait to see one rise
Safe in the arms of my own true love or in my true love’s eyes

She’s the outlaws last draw
she’s the cowboys sad song
she’s the story of how the sensitive boy became a runaway freight train

I’m no catch
Im no 10
I’m no angel
and you’re not my friend

I lost my love
I gave it to you
My friends are a crowd
My heads come unscrewed

I’m really sorry Steph
You know I tried
To be your friend
But I got too high

and besides…
What did we do?
I was dreaming of her
Laying there next to you

bridge:
And I’d come running quick as light
Through the coldest darkest night
To lay there by your side
Even just one time

I saw Tom
At the reunion dance
He told me his news
About the French girls from France

And I’m so bored
When the music’s through
I think I’ll touch myself
And heat up some food

Chords: picking on G chord

I open my mouth but the words don’t come out
If I can’t sing then I guess I’ll just shout
I’ve come unglued but my mind’s still stuck on you
I got the stalemate stalemate stalemate stalemate blues

And they keep saying that Jesus’ gonna come soon
But I’ve been drinking in my pj’s since noon
And I’m not sure there’s much good I could do
With the stalemate stalemate stalemate stalemate blues

Instrumental break

Fell asleep with the lights on in my room
Forgot about me for an hour or two
I woke up to the same damn afternoon
With the stalemate stalemate stalemate stalemate blues
Stalemate stalemate stalemate stalemate blues

Chords: Verse: A  E  A
Pre chorus: D A D E
Chorus: F#m A D E A
Bridge: F#m D A
** I usually capo 2 and play the “G” “C” and “D” chord shapes

Farewell Consuela it’s time I must go
All the skeleton girls are checking their phones
And my momma’s up in heaven and dads just at home
And I’m in the graveyard digging up her bones

And I’ve never hated anything
But when I heard about you
I turned into a tornado and ruined everything

The devil’s in the details the devil’s in your bed
blood on the hands of the lady in red
Momma said my nightmares are pictures in my head
Momma said my nightmares are pictures in my head

And if momma was still alive
I know she would have cried
When I turned into a tornado and ruined everything
I turned into a tornado and ruined everything

(instrumental bridge)

And next time I won’t say goodbye
Or look you in the eyes
I’ll just turn into a tornado and ruin everything
I’ll turn into a tornado and ruin everything

All the kings horses and all the kings men
could not put me back together again
My eyes are frozen my hands are cold
so farewell Consuela it’s time I must go
farewell Consuela it’s time I must go